2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
