Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
