Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
