You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
