Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
God, I missed his penis.
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