I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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