Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
