when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
