She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
