True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
