You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I look better un-naked...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
