My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
