I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize