I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
