I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
