Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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