you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
