we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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