I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
