All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
