the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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