I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
