I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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