is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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