By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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