So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
