that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
