you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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