there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
