Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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