I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
