Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize