Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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