remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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