im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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