I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
