yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
