he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
