Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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