i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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