nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
