I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
