the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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