u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my poor anus
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
