i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
