Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I could make wine with my vomit
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
