I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
