I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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