FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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