Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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