Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
