my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize