He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
