How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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