Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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