get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
