So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
