By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
