she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
