Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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