I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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