Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
