I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize