she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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