shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
