This is not my ceiling
Only a mothe r could love this liver
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
