Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
