My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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