Im at strip club and am horny
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
