I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think my moral compass just broke
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
