Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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