i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sponge bath it is.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
