I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
