There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
