happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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