Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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