Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
